Forever in our hearts

This past couple of weeks has been very hard for my family and I. We got word on Sunday November 13th that my cousin, SFC Jonathan B. McCain, had been killed in Afghanistan from an IED. This has been one of the hardest things we have ever gone thru. He was an outstanding soldier as well as father, husband, son and friend. He loved what he did and lived to fight for his country. A couple of days after it happened I went to see my aunt and uncle and I can honestly say that was extremely difficult. I think I cried the whole time, I went over there saying to myself ," Be strong for them, don't let them see you cry." Well I failed at that to say the least. Just hearing my uncle talk and reminisce about him brought instant tears to my eyes. Especially when he would start to cry, it was like someone was shoving a knife right in the middle of my chest. I just wish I could be with them 24/7, I know they know I'm there if they need anything, but it's just so hard. I think about them constantly and I think about Bryan constantly. It totally consumes my mind. His funeral is in Arlington on December 15th, almost a month later, which makes it more difficult for my family because this whole has been strung out for so long. Its the Army though and you just have to respect they way they do things. They have been most helpful to my aunt and uncle and Bryan's family as well, which I am ever so grateful for. You never think anything like this can happen to you or to your family. It just puts everything into perspective and makes you really take a look at your life and appreciate everything you have. We miss you so much Bryan, I know your in a better place, it's just hard to accept. We love you, you will forever be in our hearts.  

Reminiscing

Over the weekend I received a text message from my cousin that made me stop in my tracks and laugh hysterically. Here's the story..

When we were younger we would all go(and when I say ALL I mean my entire family, aunts, uncles,cousins and grandparents) up to a cabin in Pinetop, I believe it was, and spend the weekend or whatever hanging out and enjoying the weather. Well one night, our mom's went for a walk around the golf course that's right there by the cabin. Ashley and I thought it was a good idea to jump on the bike's and ride around to see if we could find them. HORRIBLE DECISION.! We get to the golf coure and all the sprinklers were on so it was getting part of the pavement wet, well I dont know what happened but all of a sudden Ashley is riding in front of me and she falls off her bike.....I can see her just sitting there and I'm peddling full speed ahead....and BAM I run right into her and my tire smacks her in the face. Needless to say we were both laughing hysterically. After a minute of trying to recoup we get back on our bikes and continue our ride around the golf course, now from what I remember, we ended up on the other side almost in a "neighborhood" with a bunch of cabins backing up to the golf course. It's been forever, so I'm not totally clear on all the details. Anyways, we were riding in this "neighborhood" and all of a sudden this dog comes out of nowhere charging at us. I started screaming and peddling as fast as I could leaving Ashley in the dust. She's yelling for me to stop and, I of course, can't her over my screaming and crying. This dog would not give up....I even lost a flip flop.!What seemed like hours, was really only a couple minutes, the dog finally backed off and the owner comes out yelling, "The dog won't hurt you." UH HELLO....your dog just chased me down the street ready to tear my head off.! Keep in mind I was only probably like 11 or 12 maybe. So Ashley comes riding up next me to laughing. I DID NOT find it funny at that particular moment, but now every time I think about it or we bring it up I start laughing uncontrollably. Needless to say, she was up in Pinetop over the weekend and they were walking around that same golf course that we had our little "dog encounter" with.

Enough is Enough

So last week I decided that I NEEDED to do something about my "weight problem". I have been so depressed and feeling so gross lately, especially when we have family get together's and I'm around all my "skinny" family members, it just makes me feel even more self-conscious. So I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, I'm going to do something about it.

After I had Reece I had actually lost more than what I was before I was pregnant...YAY, GO ME.! And then low and behold after I stopped breast feeding I gained like 20 lbs...(this is really hard for me to share) and it's been a constant struggle ever since. The problem is, I LOVE sweets.! I think I have the biggest sweet tooth on the planet. I wish I was one of those people that don't mind either way whether or not they have them, but I'm not. So I started a diet last week....and I like to call it more of a lifestyle change because we all know diets don't last and then you just end up right back where you were. Since last Thursday I have lost 8 LBS.!!! I was so proud of myself.! Although, I don't look like I've lost 8 lbs and I'm not noticing my clothes feeling any different, I just have to be patient. I'm the kind of person who wants results NOW. I hate waiting.!I think I'm the MOST impatient person ever,so sticking to this has been a little bit of a challenge, but every time I see the scale drop, I just tell myself that it's worth it. I am now going on day 7 of NO JUNK and NO SWEETS,I can't believe it myself.! It's not as hard as it seems and I'm really glad I decided to finally get my S#%& in gear.

Fall is here...where has the time gone

Oh my goodness.!! I am HORRIBLE with blogging, I haven't blogged since last October.! I seriously need to get my stuff in gear and make this part of my weekly routine. I'm promising myself that I will be more involved with my blogging.


Now where do I even begin.?! It's been so long and so many things have happened I don't even know where to start. Matt is still on the border mission, going on over a year now. I have had a test with Gilbert PD and Mesa PD to become a 911 operator/dispatcher. I'm totally nervous, they are time consuming tests with a lot of information packed into one. I'm not going to get my hopes up though, we'll see what happens. We moved in September out to Queen Creek and we absolutely LOVE it. We finally have a house, that we're renting, and couldn't be more ecstatic with all the space and the peace and quiet. It sure is a huge difference than an apartment. We vowed to never live in an apartment again. YUCK.!! We eventually would like to move back to Ohio where Matt's family is. I love it back there and can't help but want to move back. I of course would miss my family, but we have been through a lot this past year(very few people know, even those closest to us) and fresh start is just calling our name. I feel like it's time to venture out and see the world( HA I'm talking like I'm traveling the world or something) but you know what I mean. Reece is doing FANTASTIC.!! He is such a joy to our lives. We don't know what we would do without him. He has the BEST personality and he's so funny. Still not walking, but that's okay, he will when he's ready. He pulls himself up and walks around things, and let me tell you, when he doesn't get something he wants, he finds a way.!We went to Cali over the summer for my cousins wedding and it was his first time at the beach. He LOVED it, arms and legs flailing all over the place. It was so funny and filled my heart with pure joy. Matt unfortunately missed that trip tho.

We celebrated Reece's 1st Birthday.! Can you believe he's already 1.?! I can't, I almost cried. I'm telling you this year has gone by way too fast.! It was a fun day though, we celebrated it with close family and friends. We had a party at the house, all decked out in 'CARS' he loves cars.

Halloween came just as fast as it went. Reece was a tiger, the cutest tiger I've ever seen might I add, and he LOVED every minute of it. We sat outside and passed out candy and he had fun dumping the bowls out. Every time a kid would come up Reece would go silent and stare in awe. It was pretty funny. Matt missed out on the fun though, I felt really bad for him, he misses a lot of "milestones" and things in Reece's life. Granted he's home a lot, but he's also away a lot too. He won't be here for Thanksgiving or Christmas we don't think, so I'm having a really hard with deciding if I should even celebrate the two. I'm thinking of doing our own thing when he's home. I hate that he misses out and it wouldn't be fair if we celebrated without him. It's something I need to ponder, I still have a ways. I know there are things I'm missing and leaving out, but I haven't blogged in so long there's no way I could fit every nook and cranny in, but I promise to blog regularly. 

Happy Fall everyone....stay warm.!

Its a crazy life.!

Wow so apparently Im no good at updating this thing...I'd like to think I have good reason though. So much has been going on that it's the last thing on my mind.! Where to even start.....

September 1st:

My baby boy is here.! Yes, Reece Matthew Ward was born September 1,2010 at 7:25pm by c-section. He was 8lbs 9oz and 3 weeks early.! Can you imagine if i would have gone full term....I would have had a 10lb baby easily.! So the story goes, I was admitted to the hospital August 31st for high blood pressure and I was actually in the hospital the night previous to that as well for high blood pressure. The doc came in and gave us our options and we decided to go ahead and start the inducing process. I was having signs of pre eclampsia so this is the reason we were induced 3 weeks early. They placed the cervadil in and 12 hours later took that out and I was dilated 3cm and 70% effaced, so they then started the pitocin and let me tell you....the pain was ridiculous, I could not wait to get the epidural. Funny thing is I was terrified for the epidural, before I was even pregnant I told people there was no way in hell I was having a needle shoved in my spine.! Boy was I WRONG.! It was the most amazing thing ever.! The pain was instantly gone and I was a happy camper again. 1 hour after the pitocin I was 10 cm dilated and 100% effaced.! WAHOOOO.!!

PUSH BABY PUSH.! Right?? WRONG.!! I pushed for an hour and no progress...he was so far up and hadnt dropped that he was stuck in the birth canal and thats when my doctor informed me I needed an emergency c-section. I cried a lot after that...haha. I was scared and frustrated but it all worked out and my doctor is amazing.! The c-section wouldn't have been as bad as it was except for he fact I got a bad infection, which is extremly rare by the way, but what do you know I would be the one to get it. I had to go on meds and was in so much pain I could barely even walk. It gives me the willy's just to think about it. So happy that's over.!

6 weeks have already passed and I can't believe it. It's crazy how time flys.! I love being a mom and I love my son so much. It's crazy how much love you can have for someone.!

And so the process begins...

let me just say I'm updating this soley for Ashley Stockton.....

So Matt finally came home Friday night after being gone for 2 weeks...he had annual training down in Ft. Huachuca and I'm so happy he's finally home now.! It's so boring being by yourself for that long.! Poor guy was completely exhausted ...if he could, he would stay home and sleep for about a week straight....but we all know I'd be living on the streets if he were to do that.! =-)
On another note...we have some exciting/scary news...we have both decided it would be best for us if Matt goes active duty. Yes, this means we would have to move out of state. But the plus side to all of this is we would get free housing...free medical/dental insurance....and great pay. And we desperately need all of those things right now.! It's a bitter sweet feeling, but I think in the end it will all pay off...I HOPE. It's going to be difficult for me to adjust without my family but i have to make sacrifices for my family too...especially now that Reece is almost here....right?? Plus the recruiter Matt talked too said he should receive his E-5 a couple months after he joins active, which is good b/c this will give him a chance to move up in rank, which is what he wants. Just hope it all goes how we plan and his unit releases him without any problems...b/c the army does like to make your life harder than it needs to be sometimes. He turns in his paperwork tomorrow but who knows how long it's gonna take b/c once again...the army's motto is "HURRY UP AND WAIT". Cross your fingers for us.!

It's almost here!

I am almost 32 weeks pregnant! I can't believe it...only 8 more weeks and my little boy is here. It's crazy how time flies. So many of you may not know the story of how we found out...well here it goes. Matt and I were at Wal-Mart one night and I randomly looked at him, as we were in the car section...one big ZzZzZzZzZ fest might I add, and I looked at him and said " I think I'm gonna buy a pregnancy test for fun." That stopped him right in his tracks...and let me tell you, for those of you who don't know Matt NOTHING comes in between him and the "Car Section" at Wal-Mart or any store for that matter...I can complain and complain and complain and it's almost as if he wears invisible ear muffs to tun me out....so it was kinda funny. Anyways, that scared him enough to go to the pregnancy section and picked out like 5 different tests...as if one isn't enough. We went back to his moms and I preceeded to go to the bathroom and take the test. There was NO WAY I could be pregnant, but as soon as I was done and waiting for the results I started getting all clamy and my hands started to sweat and my heart started to race......

SURPRISE.....IT'S POSITIVE!!!

Holy crap! I'm pregnant!
I slowly walked out of the bathroom and looked at Matt with that...I feel like I'm gonna throw up and faint all at the same time kinda look. Of course this immediately freaked him out...and the words "It's positive" came out of my mouth. He almost had an annurism....and told me to take the rest of tests....so 3 tests and 3 positives later here we are...32 weeks pregnant! We are so excited to become parents...and I'm so proud of Matt for working so hard to provide for his growing family. He's going to be such a great dad!